Re-Sorting a life’s purpose

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I know I have a handful of occupational experiences.  I have been in office work, ran my own cleaning business, and now have become a certified red seal carpenter and am currently working in that field.    But what is it that I am really designed for here?

I like the fact that my occupations have all contributed to the re-training of my ego.  I like that I can look deeper into my current situation with my place of employment and really see how it is challenging me at a shadow level in many ways.  Still drudging up old baggage from my upbringing.  Still serving a worthy purpose.  Still pointing the way to old wounds that I can consciously identify for the purpose of healing and surrendering them to the divine.

But I feel like all of this is not the manifest purpose of what I am here to contribute.  It is all just a training ground.  I feel like a pilgrim…. still wandering through my pilgrimage and daydreaming of the time when I reach my destination.  I am given short glimpses into the purpose of what will later manifest when the time is ripe.  I am able to see my demographic placement here.  I know that I will end up on a farm in an industrial humanitarian sphere of influence within my community.  I am called to help in many areas and I am happy to understand these little glimpses of things to come.

Yet….. I am here.   I am in the ugly yucky phase of this development.  The place I so often do not want to be.  Yet here I am.

So how do I be where I am?  By accepting that I do not want to be where I am.  I can lovingly accept this feeling of loathing.  Yes I can.  I can smile at myself and say, what do you want to do with your time?  I can watch myself give excuses about why I cant do what I want.  I can watch the ego-tantrums come and go.  I can simply observe myself being in an uncomfortable place and smile.  I can offer moments of relief to myself as I understand that the calling of my heart is to go and be with my higher power.  I call God/Goddess, but there are many references.  I will use the term creator because it is universally understood.

When we are not happy with the place we are in, we can only offer ourselves doses of the essence of life we are craving within.  Myself…  I know that what I need most is to go outside alone to be with the creator.  I feel I need the time to listen to my destiny and receive the reassurance I am in such desperate need of from that divine walk.  Sometimes I need to go to the local community recreation center and sit in the hot tub or steam room and consciously release all forms of tension and stress that my body is holding onto.  Sometimes I need to go to a quiet room and have a good long cry and surrender and release emotional tension and stress of things I am attempting to exercise control over which are really none of my business.

there is small doses of heaven in all places.  But if we are in resistance to where we are at right now, we cannot access them.  By simply not resisting the resistance within us, we are making it livable to be in a state of dissatisfaction with our current life model.  We are working toward change while finding the small moments to nurture our souls desires in the process.

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